


The Stranded Thought

by MadhouseFunhouse



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal, Angst, Biting, Blood Kink, Blow Jobs, Desert Island Fic, Dominance, Fluff, Kink, Lemon, Light BDSM, M/M, Master/Pet, Master/Slave, Mating, Not Canon Compliant, Porn With Plot, Possessive Behavior, Power Dynamics, Praise Kink, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Stranded, Survival, Tags May Change, Temporary Amnesia, Trapped, Virginity Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:15:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24412687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadhouseFunhouse/pseuds/MadhouseFunhouse
Summary: Illumi wakes up on an island without an idea of how he had got there, as well as no clue who is really is. He tries to survive on his own, but quickly his new life is filled with a predator who had also found himself stranded. Although Illumi does not remember him, he knows that he has the answers, and finds himself doing strange things to earn back his memories.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 25
Kudos: 154





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is totally a sudden thing that I suddenly felt the need to write because why not? This story is entirely intended for practice as well as a break from writing my other things on occasion. The rules remain the same, just comment and I will upload, although this story is not intended to be too long. Comments just help me keep from getting bored, and honestly, I love fan girling with my readers! Hope to hear from you guys, enjoy!

The first sensation that had filled him was not an entirely unpleasant one. Cool soothing water brushed up against his bare feet, tickling his fragile skin as he strained himself to open his eyes. Partially blinded by the sunlight, he covered his eyes with his arms, his body hard to move from the hot sand. He groaned softly, sitting up with a trembling pain, his head wishing to split open. He had no memory, his brain failing him even as he managed to finally look around, blinking with confusion as he sat there. He tried to focus, his black hair fell as curtains around his slender form, the sun boiling his pale and yet slightly reddened flesh. He finally came up with one thing, his voice low as he spoke to himself, “My name is Illumi.” It felt foreign to him, like the information was not something he should have a hold of.

He shifted his weight now, thighs caressed by the sand beneath him, burning him just a bit. He took a shallow breath, looking out onto the horizon, mind wandering like his eyes. He had no idea why he was here, or where here was, but he knew that he was supposed to be doing something, _ but what _ ? He sighed, now hugging his knees to his chest as he pouted, eyes straining more to find any signs of life over the water.

_ I don’t think I mind being alone _ , was the first thing he came up with, however it wasn’t entirely true,  _ was I with someone before I landed here _ ? He did not know, and now he managed to stand despite the pain within him, his feet sinking into the sand as he managed to balance upon it. Foreign yet familiar irritability made him narrow his eyes, finally turning to look at the rest of his new prison. It was an island, that much was clear as it seemed to be a bit small. He wondered if perhaps he had been on a boat that wrecked, however, that did not sound right. He began to pad himself towards the trees, his mostly nude body needing shelter from the blistering heat. When he finally made his way beneath the shade, he could think a bit more clearly, blinking again as he glanced around. 

It wasn’t a terrible place to be stranded, the trees had various fruit upon them, and the sounds of wildlife seemed to indicate that they were rather plentiful. He then decided to take stock of himself, his body aching a bit all over. He was wearing boxers, compressed against his body in a hugging sort of way, as well as a bandage over his abdomen. When he ran his fingers over the cloth, his skin screamed. He hissed in pain, deciding that he would have to deal with the wound later, as he did not want to accidentally reopen it. So, instead he continued looking at himself. His hair was messy, his face felt hot, feverish, thanks to an impending sunburn. He wondered how long he had been asleep upon the beach, and then again circled back to wondering how he had gotten here. 

He focused his attention to his name, trying to pry any information he could from his brain. He knew he was twenty something years old, he was a part of an important family, he had something he was meant to do, and that he had never been on this particular island before. Nothing else came to mind, not even as he continued into the dense foliage. He reached up to where his head hurt the worst, and he found another wrapped up bandage there, a splitting headache rooted beneath the fabric. When his fingers brushed the place, it was almost blinding how badly it hurt. 

He let out a shaky breath, beginning to pick up stray branches and leaves as he made his way, knowing he needed to prepare for night as best as he could. Instincts took over her efforts, and after he found himself under a bit of a den on the side of the hill closer to the center of the island, he began to set up there. He made himself a little pit for a fire, setting up some leaves to sleep upon, and beginning to sharpen some sticks as he sat in his makeshift camp. By the time he had a decent assortment of weapons, and some idea of what he should do, the sun set, and the air became close to frigid. His meager amount of clothing did very little to protect him from the cold, but the walls around him help negate it somewhat. He wondered if he would continue to be fine if there was a storm, or if he would have to prepare for such an event.

He sighed, and began to start a fire, luckily the rocks around him seemed to be correct for such a task, as the fire took quickly, and soon the cold was less of a concern. He sat back against the cool wall and just closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation on his throbbing head. He knew that he had been lucky that he had gotten to set up in time for night, and again he searched his memory for anything that would help him.

He opened his eyes, a sadness washing over him, as nothing came to mind. He was trapped in an endless loop of circling questions, none he had the right pieces to fit together many of his more confusing thoughts. He ran his fingers over his chest again, worried over getting his wounds dirty, as the bandages upon further inspection, had a lot of staining, blood mixed with mud. He began to unwrap himself, curiosity filling him as he rolled the fabri up, looking over his pecks, which were a strange color, a large wound across his chest. Whoever or whatever had done this was much more violent than what Illumi could handle, the bit of healing on him evident that he had been hurt a few days prior. He wondered again what had happened.

Morning was another set of questions, Illumi’s tired eyes barely wanted to open, his head making it hard for him to concentrate on any task for too long. He tied his hair back with some of the bandaging, and began to walk around his base to get a better idea of the surrounding area. He had yet to see any predators on this island, which was good for him, although he doubted he would be that lucky. He knew he was not made to be out in the sun as much, as his eyes strained a lot, and his skin hated the sun just as much. He wondered if he needed to start moving at night, but it felt more dangerous than the daytime. He hugged onto his form loosely, trying to snap back into hunting mode.

Then, as the man rounded a tree, he heard something that made his eyes squint, and his body lower. It sounded like humming, something he remembered, yet, couldn’t exactly place. He slowly made his way towards the noise, naturally concealing himself in the bushes as he looked onto a part of the beach. Upon the hot sand a pale man stood, hair hanging down over his face as he built something small, a weapon of sorts, perhaps to help him catch fish like Illumi had been planning on doing. 

He knew that he had to be quiet not to be caught by the stranger, so he laid low and kept an eye on the man. It became late afternoon before the man began to wade into the water, using his new tool to almost immediately catch a few fish. Illumi’s eyebrows furrowed, his stomach growling as he watched the display. He began to try and sneak away, being as careful and quiet as physically possible. He eventually got far enough away that he was able to stand once more, and recede back towards his camp. He did not see the other person as a threat, but he was not going to just walk up to him. No, that felt risky, so instead he focused on finding food. 

So, within a few hours, Illumi collected a few berries and fruits, unable to get meat without potentially running into the stranger. He settled back into his camp, and began to munch on a few of the berries with little thought, just hoping that they were safe, and accepting his fate if they were not. They weren’t very filling, and he had felt strange after his last handful, so he laid again upon the bed he had crafted out of leaves, and with one final huff of breath, he closed his eyes and drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep. 


	2. The Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi finds himself becoming antiquated with a strange man who claims to know about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter to introduce some of the plot of the story, after this there is going to be a good mix of sauce and plot, so prepare!

A night filled with abstract dreams and terrible thoughts was the night that Illumi had lived through. However, a heat, which filled him and covered him entirely, had drug him out of his nightmares, and allowed some restful sleep for a few minutes. Then, as though he realized that the cold cave he had been in should not have suddenly become so warm, Illumi’s eyes snapped open, met with golden irises that gleamed with excitement. 

Illumi let out a startled noise, trying to get out from under the other man, but, the other held tight to him, refusing to let him move, “ _Ah, you’re acting rather lively._ _What’s wrong Illu?_ Why didn’t you come up to me yesterday?” 

Illumi’s body ceased its struggles, and instead he focused on the face of the man. He had not known him, but he did find him to be familiar. Well, more familiar than seeing him once before, so he knew he had to have known him before his memories had faded away. He focused on the feeling, and he tried to place a name or even a feeling to the face that looked back at him. Slowly, the only thing he got was a quickened heartbeat, and his palms became a bit sweaty. This told him that either he was infatuated with the man, or he was scared of him, possibly both.

He let out a long breath, finding his voice after a short pause, “I don’t know you.”

“ _ Of course you do _ .” The man raised a curious eyebrow, “ _ We’re friends _ , don’t you remember?”

The word _ friends _ felt wrong, but Illumi could not place why, “No, I do not.”

The red haired man sat up, seeming to be considering his words for a moment. Then a devilish look filled his face, “ _ So you don’t remember anything, do you? _ ”

Illumi pulled away, crossing his arms over his chest, “I don’t.”

The man continued to smile in his evil way, his body now elevating to stand, hands on his hips, “ _ Well, this will be interesting. _ Say, how badly do you wish to remember everything? I happen to know you very well,  _ and I can fill in all of the blanks _ .”

“You can?” Illumi asked suspiciously, not having any reason to trust the man, other than the fact that he was the only other person he had found on the island.

“ _ Of course. _ ” He had cooed at the confused man, “The first thing I will tell you,  _ for free anyway _ , is my name. My name, and do not forget it again,  _ is Hisoka. Nice to meet you again, Illu _ .”

“Why do you call me, Illu, Hisoka?” Illumi asked, eyes curious, narrow with confusion.

Hisoka could still feel his attitude poking through despite the memory loss, however, the way he said his name made the man go crazy, “ _ Ah _ ,” He breathed happily, “that is a nickname I’ve given to you.  _ As you are adorable, and I think an adorable nickname is a good way to show just how cute you are. _ ”

Illumi felt his cheeks heat up, no longer remembering how to hide his feelings quite as well as he normally would, “Are we… together in some way? When I look at you I feel very happy. I don’t understand these feelings very much, but I figure that they have to be left over from my memory.”

That made Hisoka cover his face and turn away, hip jutted forward dramatically, “ _ Oh! Illu! That has to be the cutest thing you’ve ever said to me! _ ” He basically sang, “ _ Of course we are together!” _ He fibbed, then he slowly peeked over at the confused man, smirking wildly, “But, if you want to know more,  _ you’ll have to earn the right. _ ”

“Earn it?” Illumi stood now, grimacing at the tight feeling in his head, “What do I have to do?”

“First, I’m going to feed you. You’re looking starved.” Hisoka cooed, now standing straight again, “Then we will talk deals.”

Illumi took a moment to agree, but after he thought about it, he figured that it would be the best option. He nodded, smiling a little. That only made Hisoka’s reaction become even more excited as he grabbed Illumi’s hand and began to lead him to the beach, speaking a million words a minute. Illumi did not understand them, but he listened anyway, finding the noise to be more pleasant than the silence he had endured for the past few days. 

Soon Illumi was made to sit upon the sand, the warmth of it making his skin flare up again. Hisoka had him seated in a bit of shade, but it wasn’t the most comfortable place. Illumi was grateful that he was so thoughtful, but he was left sitting and watching the other fish for their meals. This made him take time to think, and again he could not come up with too much. He felt like he should not entirely trust Hisoka, but he also felt like he needed him, like he had the answers, like he would somehow dig him out of the hole that was the void that swallowed his memories. 

Illumi glanced down, looking at the wound on his chest once more, he wondered if Hisoka had known where it had come from. He put it on a list of questions he would earn the right to know the answer to, and then added the pain of his head. He knew another pair of eyes would do much better on the head wound, as he, himself, was unable to see it. After the sun began to shine brightly from the middle of the sky, Hisoka returned with a lot of fish, smiling brightly as he held up a makeshift bag that held his catches, “ _ Look, Illu, I think we’ll be just fine here. _ ”

Illumi nodded slowly, although he had a hard time caring about the catch, “Can I go ahead and ask you to do something?” He asked.

Hisoka pouted a bit, but kept an open mind, “Depends, what do you need?”

Illumi pointed to his head, where some dried blood sat pretty openly, “I feel a lot of pain here. You don’t have to tell me what happened, but can you look at it? I wish to make sure that I am not festering. An infection feels terribly dangerous.”

Hisoka nodded, agreeing fully with his thoughts. He carefully put down his bag of fish, and he closed in the gap between them. Carefully he bent down and began to pull Illumi’s hair away from the wound. Illumi cringed from the pain, breath catching in his throat as Hisoka examined him. Slowly, gently, Hisoka began to pull on something. It hurt so badly that Illumi felt a surge of nausea fill him, and he had to grab onto Hisoka’s torn up shirt just to keep himself sitting. After a long moment, Hisoka backed up a bit, and allowed Illumi to sit up before he held out his hand. On his palm was a few needles and a lot of small bits of metal, his face curled into a worried frown, “Looks like I got a lot of the surface stuff. However, I cannot guarantee I got everything.”

Illumi stared at the shrapnel, his mind still spinning from the terrible pain that he had been put through, “I… I think I need a minute.”

Hisoka nodded, sinking down next to him as he looked at his bloodied hand. He shifted the metal around, honest as he spoke, “This looks rather intentional, Illu. Some of your trauma… well It had to have been you who had dealt the needles. Why? Well, it would only be you who could answer that.”

Illumi did not know, he barely remembered his own name, let alone the reason why he would hurt himself so much. He glued his eyes to the sand, voice low, barely audible above the sound of the ocean, “But I don’t know.” How would he, as the person who had hurt him was a stranger as long as his current self was concerned.

He had never felt so helpless until that moment. 


	3. First Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi begins to accept his role on the island as Hisoka makes him too curious to continue to push him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to bricksandbones for having the first comment on this new story of mine! I got excited and wrote out another chapter with my left over coffee energy I have, so enjoy yourself! There is a sauce boat straight ahead!

Dinner was filled with awkward chit chat, that mostly the strange red haired man had taken a part in. Illumi did not know what to make of him, however, as time went on, he just found himself lulled into the man’s words, like they were a security blanket that he had craved. He wondered if he would normally be so willing to listen to the man, or if he would sit so close to him typically. He squinted a bit, his heart swelling as he considered himself.

Hisoka tilted his head, stopping himself in the middle of the sentence, “Are you alright? You’re looking rather pale.”

“I think I’m always pale?” Illumi raised his eyebrows, indicating that he did not understand the phrasing. 

Hisoka smiled, stopping himself from laughing, “ _ Silly boy. I didn’t mean it like that _ .” He paused, putting down the food he had been eating, now instead crawling over to the other man, faces rather close, “You just look like you’re lost in your head. What are you thinking about?”

Illumi’s eyes widened a bit as his heart fluttered, slowly he pushed his hair behind his ear, looking away nervously, “Well… I was just thinking about us, I guess.”

“ _ Oh, how forward of you Illu! _ ” Hisoka practically praised, “ _ I haven’t even told you what I want, and yet you’re already throwing yourself at me! _ ”

Illumi blinked at him a few times, his face reddening, “I- is that what you want? Will you tell me things if I think about you?” He was not very good at this, and felt like he was even worse before his injury. 

Hisoka chuckled, moving himself a bit more to press his lips to Illumi’s nose. With the soft peck, he stood and began to clean up the cave a bit so that it would not begin to smell, “That isn’t entirely what I want. It will be helpful for you to think about me, as I am the only thing from your old life that you know about. However, I want something more…  _ physical _ .” 

Illumi felt the weight of his words, now understanding what he had wanted. He knew that it was a leap for him, as he already had trouble talking to the other. He couldn’t imagine submitting himself to contact, and anything else the other had wanted to put him through. He let out a shaky breath, focusing his eyes on the sky outside the mouth of the cave, “Can… can I have time to think about your offer?”

“ _ Of course _ .” Hisoka nodded, although he knew that he would be getting his way sooner or later, as he knew a lot more than he was letting on, “You can have as much time as you want. Neither of us have anywhere to be, and no one will be coming to get us.”

Illumi found himself now looking at the ground, a strange anxiety making his breathing uneven. He reached up, brushing his hair back a bit. If it wasn’t so cold out, he would have gone on a walk, but his lack of dress made it seem more dangerous. So, instead he got up to go and lay down, his bed of leaves slightly welcoming to his body. 

He was not comforted for too long, as arms wrapped around him soon enough, pulling him in close as a sharp chin pressed against the middle of his neck. Illumi felt like pulling away, but he did not, as he did not want to anger the man, “What are you doing?”

Hisoka was gushing with affection, nuzzling his face into the man, “ _ Just enjoying your warmth _ . It’s too cold to sleep alone!” He had whined his last few words.

Illumi sighed, not feeling like it was completely acceptable to be with the man like this, however, he did scoot himself back a bit, accepting the warmth. He slipped his eyes closed, the bigger man continuing to hug onto his hips and press their bodies together. The warmth, although strange, helped Illumi fall asleep.

Illumi’s eyes shot open, and his body sat up quickly, gaze scanning the now empty cave. He let out a shaky breath, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, fear welling up in his stomach. He almost thought that the night before had been a hallucination brought on by the berries, however, the few pieces of fish bone that littered the floor had calmed him down, and made him smile a bit. He was not alone, Hisoka was real, he had a way to learn about himself without having to survive all by himself. 

Slowly he stood up, glad to have his head feeling a bit better that day. He made his way outside, then down towards the beach, feeling as though he would run into the other man along the way. He was not wrong, however, the way in which he met up with the man was not one he was expecting. Hisoka stood in the water, his tattered clothes laying upon a large rock, drying in the sunlight. Illumi knelt down, not wanting to be caught this time, as now his eyes were on his partner’s nude form, who seemed to be freshening up in the water. He tried to start backing off, however he stopped when his eyes caught onto the other’s body. 

He bit his lip, settling down where he was, grass tickling his skin as he gawked. He didn’t think he had ever seen so much of the other man, or at least not that he could remember. He was so well toned, thin yet muscular, his skin looking smooth, and holding tight to his frame. Illumi’s hands grasped the grass below him, face reddening as his gaze shifted downwards, seeing a bit more than he was prepared for. 

He swallowed thickly, staring where he shouldn’t. Then, finally, he was able to back himself up, sneaking off into the forest. He hurried himself to the beach he had woken up on, and there was where he decided to spend his alone time. He felt hot, confused, his stomach in knots. Familiar feelings of need causing his head to spiral. He massaged the bridge of his nose, breathing in sharply as he looked out onto the water, not finding anything and not expecting to. 

He stripped off his boxers, and decided that he needed a bath as well. He cleaned the shorts in the water carefully, some blood coming off of them, making them more of a dull purple than a black. He set them on a rock as he had seen Hisoka had done, and then he stepped into the water, sinking down to his knees to bathe, so that if he got caught he would not be completely exposed. He focused on his hair at first, rinsing blood and dirt from the black strands. The water around him looked like it was made from the berries he had eaten, which made his worry return, although his confusing thoughts soon overtook his worry, so he just tried to keep himself busy instead. Soon his hair stopped spilling the strange color from it, so he felt that it was as clean as he could get it. The salt made his wounds sting a bit, but he felt that it was for the better. Then he lightly rubbed the dirt from his chest, making sure to take care of his sores in that moment. 

Then he shifted himself, looking down at his hips. They were bruised a bit, which he had no idea how that had happened. It wasn’t something he could place, and as the bruises were nearly gone, he felt it was unimportant to the total problem. 

He made his way back onto the beach after he felt clean, or at least less smelly, and he slipped back on his now warm and dry boxers. He felt better, although the image of Hisoka still refused to leave his mind.  _ Of course, you can’t remember your own age, but you’ll forever remember how big his dick looked _ , Illumi rolled his eyes at himself, now sitting on the rock his shorts had been on. He continued to sassily think to himself, being hard on himself for being a pervert. Of course Hisoka had been propositioning for sex the previous night, but Illumi was the one being creepy. He buried his face into his hands, angry with himself.

He sat like this for a while, however, soon a familiar voice brought him out of his state. He looked back at Hisoka, who’s hair was still dripping from his bath, “Ah, _ Illumi _ , are you alright? I couldn’t find you anywhere!”

“I’m right here.” Illumi told him flatly, making Hisoka pause a moment before he sat next to him.

He smiled at the sad man, his voice sweet, “ _ I see we had the same idea. _ You’re looking much better without all that blood on you.”

Illumi nodded, tilting his head so that Hisoka could look at his wound. Wordlessly Hisoka did look at it, and he began again to pull things out with his sharp fingernails, which felt awful but necessary to the hurt man. Eventually Hisoka finished up, his voice low, “I think there are a few things under your skin, but I would prefer not mutilating you. I believe it would be better to wait until we can get you to a doctor.”

“Will we ever leave this island?” Illumi asked with a sad tone.

“I don’t know.” Hisoka replied honestly, his tone showing that he was again hiding something.

Illumi felt suspicious of him, but he would not press, at least not yet, “I thought about your offer.” He had said, his heart beginning to race as Hisoka threw the metal into the ocean.

“ _ Mmm _ …w _ hat is your decision? _ ” Hisoka cooed, eyes glued to the pale man. 

Illumi looked over at him, big eyes gleaming in the midday light, “I’ve decided to take you on. However, I have rules.”

“ _ Alright. _ ” Hisoka smirked, excitement filling his body.

“I don’t know who I was, and I wouldn’t want to do anything that may permanently hurt my past self if he is to ever return. So nothing permanent.” That was his first rule, “Second, I want you to be honest with me. I want to learn something new every time we do anything… intimate.” He felt shy about that word, “Finally…” He squinted his eyes, his face flaring up with a deep red blush, “I feel like I need to remind you that I’m practically renting this body. So please be respectful.” 

Hisoka considered his rules, the first one being the only one he did not agree with, “I cannot guarantee that everything I do will not affect you for the rest of your life, but I can promise everything else. _ I will do my best not to scar you too much. _ ”

Illumi let out a shaky breath, feeling as though he was making a deal with the devil, words circling in his mind, warning him against agreement. However, he still found himself nodding, although the eyes of the man in his head glared at him as he shook Hisoka’s hand. It was too late, if he were to ever learn anything, he would have to do what he could. He apologized to his old self, however, the regret did not last, as his eyes began to drift downward, excitement filling the empty pit of his stomach.

The cave felt different to Illumi now, especially when Hisoka now sat with their hips butted together, Illumi laid on his leaves with Hisoka towering over his thin form. Hisoka’s hands were wandering over his flesh, enjoying his warm flesh, and slightly kneading his hips with happy noises of appreciation. Illumi felt himself shrink in place, eyes somewhere else. 

Then a gentle tug at his boxers brought his attention back to the man below him. He was happily undressing him, his voice a low growl, “ _ I haven’t seen you naked in a long time Illumi. I hope you know that I was getting tired of waiting for you. I’m glad you decided to be here with me, and give me a chance. _ ”

Illumi opened his mouth, questions filling him, however, another tug at his shorts made him forget his questions, and instead cover his eyes with his hands, to spare him from Hisoka’s lustful gaze. He could not see, but he could feel those eyes on him, scanning him, eating him up. Then he felt kisses, each lightly pressed upon his stomach, and working downward. Then the kisses reached his hip, making something flower within him, his cock standing up needily. Hisoka chuckled to himself, his tongue lightly sliding up his shaft, earning the sweetest noise he had ever heard. He persisted, tongue swirling around the tip of Illumi’s hard cock a few times before he took it into his mouth, the flavor making fireworks burst behind his eyes, but his sight stayed on Illumi’s covered face, the redness of it alluring him.

Illumi’s back arched, his breath coming out in a surprised gasp as his cock was entirely taken into Hisoka’s warm mouth. Each movement earned Hisoka another cute noise, so he persisted, and enjoyed every moment he had sucked on Illumi’s cock. 

Slowly he slid up, a popping sound breaking the tension in the air. Illumi parted his fingers, looking down at Hisoka, who was sitting, admiring him yet again with half closed eyes. He wondered if they were done, but something told him that they were only getting started. 

Then he felt something touch his rear, making him stiffen and cover his eye again. Hisoka chuckled, prodding a single finger into the man, “ _ I usually find myself being a rough lover. But, for you, I will take my time. At least this once. _ ”

Then he slid the finger in, making Illumi gasp, his back arching a bit off of the cool floor. Hisoka worked his finger in slowly, his other hand now nursing his painful erection, tugging it out of his torn pants, and slowly working some of the strain out of it while he pushed a second finger in. He was impatient, his movements already becoming harder, and faster, however, as hard as it was, he remained composed, “ _ I can’t wait to feel what it is like inside of you. You’re so beautiful like this, Illu. I never thought… yet, here we are, isn’t that crazy? _ ”

Illumi could not respond, partially because he had no idea what he was talking about, but also because he couldn’t form words, the pleasure numbing his brain as Hisoka’s fingers glided against his most sensitive spots. Slowly, when Hisoka’s fingers retreated, Illumi whimpered and looked past his fingers once more. Hisoka was now scooted closer, his erection pressed against Illumi, threatening to enter at any moment. Fear filled his mind, but he kept his mouth shut, and instead looked up at the man over him, the look in his eyes filling with another emotion. 

Then, just as their hips connected, Illumi felt a memory zap into his mind, one that made him tremble, and his eyes become empty. It was a demanding memory, one that made tears fill those voided eyes, his hands pressing hard against them so that he did not have to watch.

He remembered being young, and he remembered he was in trouble. The pain from the event felt so similar to what was happening. He shook, and he sobbed, like the little boy in his mind. His hair cut short, bruises making it hard to walk. He cried out, voice choked down with a startled moan. 

Hisoka seemed to notice the distress below him, as he stopped himself entirely, eyes widening with surprise, his hands coming down and prying Illumi’s hands from his face, his own hardened and worried, “What’s wrong? Illu talk to me.” He was demanding in tone, which only made Illumi cry more.

Hisoka did not move, his eyes glued to the crying mess below him. He had known that this may happen, but he did not expect the unpleasantness to return so quickly. So, he pulled Illumi up into his lap, sitting him up and pressing him close to him, petting the back of his head with small comforting noises, “ _ It’ll be okay. Do you need me to stop? _ ” 

The tone he had used had made Illumi’s brain shift back to the present, the memory slowly fading, burning itself into his brain, like it had always been there, and he supposed that it had been, just hidden away. He sniffled, wrapping his legs and arms around the man, clinging to him, his voice small, “Please… don’t I just… I’ll tell you later.”

“Are you sure?” Hisoka again sounded stern, wanting to move so badly, but not wanting to break Illumi, at least not yet.

Illumi swallowed thickly before he nodded. With the permission out of the way, Hisoka grabbed his hips and began to move Illumi up and down, forcing himself deeper into him. Illumi whimpered, but did not go into another episode, and instead began to help with the pace. It hurt at first, Illumi sighed, but soon it felt nice, like he was supposed to do this. 

Their movements, although stuffy, uncertain, and utterly clumsy, soon melted them into a pleasant rhythm. Hisoka thrusted up into the man, still cooing with encouragement as he fucked him. Illumi pressed his face into the other man’s neck, eyes closed tightly as he matched the movements, like he felt like he was supposed to do. Then they both began to move harder, faster, and Hisoka’s voice became a low growl, “ _ So you know, I am taking it easy on you. _ ”

“Thank you.” Illumi moaned so sweetly against his skin. 

Hisoka smirked, laying Illumi back, ramming himself into the man’s awaiting body, “ _ I didn’t say I would keep it that way _ .”

Illumi held tight to him, their bodies squished together as he was fucked senselessly. The thrusts indicated to him that it was almost over, as his body began to build up, a strange entanglement of feeling and emotion had brought moans out of him. Sweet noises that Hisoka ate up, and soon he pressed just right, causing Illumi’s body to tighten around him, his first orgasm hitting him hard. 

Hisoka devoured the noises, and found himself nuzzling his face into Illumi’s neck, then without a care in the world, he opened his mouth and broke his promise. He pressed his teeth into the awaiting flesh, biting down with a mighty force, marking the man below him as he finished deep within him, filling him to the brim with his cum before he had time to cry out with pain. 

Hisoka was beginning to love their plan so much.


	4. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hisoka finds something that will help Illumi find purpose, however, it may bring on a whole other problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment to thank the people who have come from Twitter to read this, thank you so much! I am glad that this practice fic is getting such lovely traction! I hope to continue hearing from you guys!
> 
> Thank you to Love_is_infatuation! I'm glad that you think my writing fits the characters! I will keep updating as much as I can!  
> Thank you to Chokolla! Innocent Illumi is cutest Illumi.   
> Thank you to Merce! You've made me smile, I am so glad that I have had a positive affect on you in these times. I hope you continue doing well!  
> Thank you to crispy777!

Illumi did not move much until the next day. Hisoka had fed him and laid with him for much of the night, but right before morning he was again gone. Illumi had not gotten too much information from the strange man. He had only been told that he was considered a neat freak before his memory loss, which was something he could guess, as the juices that still remained on him made him cringe in the strangest of ways. The second thing that Hisoka had told him was a bit more surprising. He had been a virgin before their time the previous night, meaning that Hisoka had broken many promises during their time together. Then there was the memory he had regained by himself had still perplexed him, as he had no idea why it had suddenly come to him while he had sex. It made him feel a fear inside of him, one that made him almost want to forget about remembering. 

So many emotions washed over him, tears stinging his eyes as he stared at the ceiling of the cave. He felt like he had cried like this before, like the feelings blossoming inside of him were terribly familiar. No wonder his old self had wanted to forget. Memories were painful, everything hurt worse now than ever before. 

He finally sat up, his legs pulled to his chest to hide his nudity, as he had heard his partner humming as he returned. He looked excited, something Illumi had not really felt since his rebirth. He tilted his head, his long hair tickling his pale flesh, and causing his bite mark to itch, “What are you so happy about?”

“ _ Why wouldn’t I be happy? _ ” Hisoka chuckled, kneeling before Illumi, “I found something that’ll make that frown of yours have a new inflection on life.”

Illumi cringed, feeling as though he was only going to be hurt again, “What?”

“ _ I found… _ ” He drew out his words for dramatic tension, “a suitcase!” He sang, bringing the item from behind his back, his free hand shaking in the air in a gesture that Illumi could not place, “I thought opening it would help make you smile.”

Illumi had not been smiling, that was true. Life just seemed so inconvenient to him at the moment, however, the sight of the suitcase brought a better feeling to him, one that told him it would be alright. He carefully shifted himself to sit on his knees, not minding his nudity as much anymore, and he slid the suitcase closer to himself, a gleam filled his dark eyes, “I wonder what it could be?”

“I think it was your suitcase.” Hisoka hummed, “I found it near the beach you woke up on. So it washed up with you.”

Illumi felt his heart quicken it’s pace, the idea of his past self leaving the new Illumi a sort of gift made him strangely nervous. It was like getting a gift from a stranger, or at least that was what Illumi’s mind had rationalized it as being. He drew in a deep and nervous breath before he unclasped the clips on the top of the case, then he opened it, examining the contents with wide eyes. 

The first thing he noticed was a few separate outfits, each a color of green, the fabric comforting to his fingers as he looked through them. He almost felt goosebumps form on his arms, as though he had touched a ghost. He continued to look through the fabrics, then he moved onto the bit of soap he had left himself, then, at the bottom of the bag, was a letter addressed to him. He squinted at it, fingers tracing the text, the writing familiar to him, “I think I left myself a note.”

Hisoka scooted closer, eyeing the letter curiously, “ _ I wonder why _ . You didn’t mention a letter.”

Illumi ran his fingernail under the flap, forcing the mouth and the rim of the envelope apart. Once it was opened, he was able to pull out a piece of paper, and immediately he unfolded it and began to look at it. It was a short note, one simply reminding him of his own name, however, the last name was still left out. He continued onward, and found a lot of it was advice on how to handle life, and how to present himself. He could tell that his old self had a lot of worry when it came to his public appearance, although he had noticed a few lines that told him not to worry about it too much, as he would not be in public anymore. He reached the end, the last few lines making his head swirl with thought, _Hisoka, although strange, is your greatest ally. He knows how to survive in this world, even off of the island, and he knows you and who you were. He cares about us, something I had not realized until I had come up with the conclusion that being stranded on an island was better than continuing in the way I had for many years. Please give him a chance, but also do not take any crap from him if you do not feel comfortable. Enjoy you, and learn to be thankful. Also, before I forget…_ Illumi’s eyes widened a bit in disbelief as he read the final line, which was written in bolded letters, **_do not, and I mean ever, ask Hisoka about his Bungee Gum ability. You’ll want to rip your ears off._** _Good luck, and please remember to smile._

Illumi lowered the note into his lap, eyes narrow as he considered the words he had read. His old self did not want him to try to remember, so something terrible had to have happened. He could not fathom leaving everything behind and deciding to strand oneself on an island, and he could not understand the idea of completely blocking out memories. It felt tragic, to lose so much of yourself. He let out a sigh, paper now pressed against his chest, “I was in… a lot of pain, huh?”

“Sadly.” Hisoka nodded, his smile fading quite quickly, “You told me that you could not bring yourself to go home anymore. So I let you live with me for a while. It wasn’t enough, and so we came up with a plan.”

“The plan to come here?” Illumi had finished for him. 

Hisoka smiled a bit, shrugging his shoulders, “It wasn’t ideal. Honestly, I’m surprised that you went through with anything. Based on what I know, you were very desperate on the way here to make sure you wouldn’t change your mind. Based on your head, and the loss of memory, _ your plan had worked perfectly _ . There are plenty of things I still have to tell you, but you will earn your memories. I don’t want to overload you with the bad, _ so I will not _ .”

Illumi nodded slowly, then he pulled himself an outfit to change into. He had worn a lot of dark colors before their plan, or at least that was what had been left for him. He began to put on something, feeling a bit better now that he had options to cover up his skin. Hisoka seemed displeased, but he did not fight him on it, as obviously the clothes had been left for a reason. Perhaps he was a lot more shy in his previous life, or maybe he knew the importance of clothes, as they would surely keep his skin safe from the sun and other elements. He decided that it was likely a bit of both. 

After he was fully dressed in a neck hugging slim top and black tights, he turned back to his bag and looked through it once more. Something shiny caught his attention, and slowly he lifted out a mirror with a silver back, a dragon engraved on the back. He stared at it for so long that Hisoka had become worried, his voice low, “ _ Illu? What’s that look for? _ ” He had cooed.

“I’m not sure.” Illumi replied in disbelief, his eyes scanning the mirror for a minute before he held it out to Hisoka, “What do you see?”

“ _ A handsome man with a devilish grin _ .” Hisoka mused, not knowing what Illumi was getting at as he stared at his own reflection.

Illumi pouted at him, then brought the mirror back to his own face, free hand touching his cheeks, moving things, as though he was trying to trigger something. Finally, as though defeated entirely, he laid the mirror into his lap, eyes filled with confusion, “Hisoka, why can’t I see myself?”

“ _ Whatever do you mean? _ ” Hisoka asked, his own eyes wide with surprise. 

“I can see my skin, my hair, the outline of my head, but I can’t see my face. Do I have a face? I should at least have eyes, right?” Illumi had stuttered messily, his eyes darting around with fear as his hands now touched every detail of his face, “I feel a nose, a mouth, eyes, but I can’t see them.”

“ _ Illu… I haven’t a clue what you are talking about _ .” Hisoka breathed out, worry having been clear in his voice.

A bitter numbness filled Illumi’s brain, and once more he brought the mirror up, looking at himself again. Again, a blank face stared back. 


	5. Pet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi is still momentarily distressed about his lack of reflection, Hisoka helps him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I've had the craziest week, somethings I actually cannot talk about, but one thing that I can is that I started working again, so I kinda slept a lot after work. I'm a housekeeper so I have to spend a lot of energy at work, thank you for hanging on! This chapter was fun and interesting to write, I think it is a win for my practice, so yay! A sauce warning ahead! 
> 
> Thank you to crispy777! No vampires here, although that is a funny suggestion haha.  
> Thank you to randugamsas! Illumi has a lot going on, doesn't he?  
> Thank you to strawberry_swirl! Here's what happens next!  
> Thank you to TatieBug1019! Here ya go!  
> Thank you to Rukachino! Thank you for the nice comment!

Hisoka had done everything in his power to keep the mirror away from Illumi, as the sadness that shone in his eyes was almost too much for the man to be able to look at. He had hidden the item away, however, he had not destroyed it as he contemplated doing, as it was one of the things Illumi had left himself, and therefore it was important for his new self. He was concerned that Illumi would become too consumed in his lack of reflection, and he wondered if Illumi always had trouble seeing his own face, or if he had made himself blind to his own features on purpose. 

Either way, he was going to respect it, however, he would not allow his new self to become too concerned about a reflection of all things. Instead, he took time to reassure him that he did indeed have a face, and that it was beautiful. Now, as they sat in the shade by the beach, he had made Illumi lay his head into his lap, lightly checking his wounds over while also playing with his hair. He took this time to describe his face to him, his words careful, chosen based on his new personality, but honest all the same, “You have big dark eyes, they are like water at night when the moon is gone from the sky. I often can’t tell what you are thinking based upon them, but sometimes I can see them brighten, like light has come into you.  _ Illu, your eyes have started looking much brighter after we came here. _ ”

Illumi glanced away for a moment, then he looked back, eyes a bit more stern despite the blush that had feathered across his features, “Did Illumi- Did I have any reason to erase my own face? I know you don’t like answering questions unless I pay you, but I’m desperately curious.”

“ _ To my knowledge? No _ . You never seemed that bothered by your reflection, I am uncertain why you might erase your own face from your mind.” Hisoka hummed, now beginning to braid his hair around the frame of his face, “There’s a part of me that thinks that you may have done this a while ago, however, I could also see other possibilities. I think you should try to forget about it. It does you no harm,  _ so why linger on it? _ ”

Illumi squinted up at the other for a long and quiet moment,  _ why do I care about it so much? It affects very little, even if it bothers me. My face is just another thing I’ve forgotten, and even if I never see it again, I won’t know what I am missing.  _ He let out a long breath before he spoke quietly, “Can you keep describing me then?”

Hisoka was glad to do so, his smile growing wide, “ _ Ah, of course Illu. Where do I start? I already told you about your lovely eyes. How about we talk about your lips? _ ” He then droned on and on about how soft his lips were, and how nice they felt against his own. 

Illumi closed his eyes, placing the eyes he had described in the right place, then his lips. It felt odd to him, like it wasn’t right, but at the same time accurate. He tried harder to get a picture, but all he came up with was an alien face, one that looked horrifying to him. 

Hisoka lifted his head a bit, tucking the braids behind his ears and tying it behind his head, “There, that should clear up your sight a bit.  _ What do you think? _ ”

Illumi sat himself up, fingers tracing the pleats of his hair, a small smile forming on his face, “Oh, this is interesting. I think I like it.”

“You never let me touch your hair before. Well, I mean, you let me brush it, _ of course _ , but you never let me style it.” Hisoka hummed thoughtfully, hand on Illumi’s chin so he could tilt his head from side to side to get a better look.

Illumi enjoyed the warmth of his hand, and he found himself leaning into it, “I don’t understand why. You did a wonderful job.”

“ _ You were very… fickle _ .” He smiled softly, swiping his thumb over his bottom lip, eyes filling with an emotion Illumi could not read quite as well. 

The black haired man scooted himself closer, moving on instinct, moving to press their lips together. Hisoka did nothing to stop him, and instead he pulled him close. It felt nice, welcoming to Illumi, who pressed himself even closer, wrapping his arms around Hisoka’s shoulders. He had not noticed how broad they were, the muscles below his arms felt nice against his own, the warmth of his lips almost mesmerizing. He could get lost in the senselessness forever.

Then their lips parted, their breaths hot against one another’s faces. Illumi was pulled into Hisoka’s lap now, their hips flush against one another. Hisoka looked terribly pleased, his hair ruffled from the interaction, his sharp fingernails digging into Illumi’s hips. Illumi knew what was coming, and this time he was a lot less nervous about it, an ache in his hips almost begging him to move forward, “Should we… do this here?”

“ _ You’re so bold _ .” Hisoka cooed, licking his lips before he suddenly changed their position, pushing the smaller man into the ground. 

The grass beneath Illumi was so cool against his heated flesh, Hisoka’s hands already working his shirt up and over his head, keeping the fabric hooked around his shoulders as he began to trace his fingers around the man’s muscles. A soft hum emanated from him, hungry eyes scanning over Illumi’s body as his hands moved further down, and hooking onto the tights he wore. He began to tug them down, leaving Illumi without any modesty. Luckily, his few days without clothes had made him a little less concerned with such things, so he simply reached his hands up, and under Hisoka’s shirt, pulling it up as his hands admired each and every muscle. Something inside of him screamed at him, making him feel slightly crazy with need, “I think I always wanted to do this.”

“ _ Hmm? _ ” Hisoka purred, “ _ Is that right? _ ”

Illumi nodded slowly, eyes becoming filled with lust, “I think I was too scared of rejection, or being hurt. If my feeling is right… it was one of the main reasons I wanted to forget everything.”

“ _ Sometimes I wonder if you even need my help recovering your memories. _ ” Hisoka chuckled, rubbing the man’s hips, “ _ It seems you remember plenty without me _ .”

“I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I didn’t need, or rather, want you.” Illumi replied in a deceivingly flat tone, one that made Hisoka’s ears ring with familiarity. 

He sat himself up, tugging down his pants, freeing his cock to the warm air. Illumi’s body immediately reacted, his own cock twitching as he looked the magician up and down. Hisoka could easily read his reaction, his smirk widening as he put Illumi’s legs up and around his shoulders, his face bending down to prepare, his voice hot against Illumi’s private bits, “ _ Sometimes I worry I am dreaming… I am so glad that I cannot be _ .”

Before Illumi could reply, he found his back arching, his eyes widened as a startled noise left him. Hisoka’s tongue licked up his entrance, teasing it with a few small laps against it. Then he felt the man’s long fingers begin to poke and prod him, quickly pushing inside to begin stretching the man out. Illumi breathed hard, his back completely arched against the grass, “H-Hisoka!” He called out.

That encouraged the red haired man, his fingers widening, then rubbing up against different surfaces inside of Illumi experimentally, “ _ Such a good boy… do you like that? _ ” He purred in between small thrusts. 

Illumi found his body melting to the much needed praise, his toes curling as he looked down at the man, his voice higher in pitch, drool practically dripping from his mouth as he shuttered, “Y-yes, please don’t, ah-!”

Hisoka smirked, pressing the same place again and again, which made Illumi’s body shake more and more with pleasure, his frame coming down to meet his fingers needily, “Fuck!”

“ _ Such dirty words from such a beautiful pet _ .” Hisoka chuckled, then he pulled his fingers out, licking the entrance once more before he settled himself to lean over the smaller man, hips lined up to cause havoc. 

The empty feeling had Illumi going crazy, his body writhed against the ground, “P-put it in, please.”

Hisoka was loving every moment of this, Illumi’s submission having been unexpected but fully welcoming to his ears. He moved himself, pushing his full length in. It made Illumi’s stomach, as skinny as he was, slightly bulge upward, showing just how deeply Hisoka had gone in. He grabbed Illumi’s hands, pressing them to the spot, pride swelling up in the magician, “ _ Do you feel that? _ ” He hummed.

Illumi nodded slowly, eyes filled with wonder, “Y-you’re so big.”

“ _ Mmm… _ ” Hisoka hummed, then he began to move himself a bit, making Illumi feel the difference as he moved, “ _ Remember this feeling, if you remember anything. That fullness, that’s my love for you _ .” He purred.

Then he shifted them, pinning Illumi’s hands against the dirt, making his legs press against his chest as he moved. The angle made it hard for the black haired man to breathe, his brain growing dizzy thanks to the pleasure and lack of proper oxygen. Then a sudden jolt filled him, making him cry out, “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

Hisoka chuckled, hitting that place over and over, “ _ Music to my ears _ .”

Illumi could not even begin to understand his words, much too lost now in the persistent pleasure that flooded over him. Then a tightening in his stomach pushed him towards reality, making his eyes snap closed, familiar memories of the past flooding his brain, his back arching to meet Hisoka’s movements. He pressed his eyes closed tighter, his memory filling his mind as he finished onto the both of them, a mess covering the men’s stomachs as Hisoka continued to shove himself in. Only a few movements later, had led to Hisoka’s orgasm, and happily he filled his lover completely, some of his warmth spilling out onto the grass as he slowed his movements, his body leaning onto Illumi’s as he huffed a few times.

A happy noise escaped his throat as he sunk himself down onto Illumi, laying with his face against his neck, leaving little bites. Illumi’s body made him make appreciative noises, despite the revelation he had during their interaction. He would not be able to voice his memory until about an hour later, while they sat on the beach, rinsing themselves off. Illumi’s eyes were on the water, looking at his reflection when he finally spoke, “I was never able to see my face.”

“Is that so?” Hisoka asked as he stretched himself.

“Yes. I remembered looking at myself in a mirror as a child. I saw my hair, the shape of my head, but never my face. I think I left myself the mirror to warn of the problem, rather than show a new issue.” Illumi explained as he sunk himself into the cool refreshing water.

Hisoka smiled over at Illumi, feeling somewhat surprised by the revelation, “Maybe that’s why your hair was always so important to you?”

Illumi nodded, eyes still glued to his own empty face. Despite the lack of evidence, he knew that he was smiling.


End file.
